moving on

I am a statistic. Like it or not, I fall into that one-in-four-women category. Earlier this year, Ryan and I suffered the horrible loss a miscarriage brings to a couple. It was a sad, emotional time, but true to fashion and practicing what I constantly preach, in the months following I reminded myself that things happen for a reason. As it turns out, I was right. Our miscarriage was God's way of working out a bad pregnancy and a way to bring Ryan and I together like nothing we had yet to experience. But it doesn't take the sting away nor make the hurt any less severe.

So as I sat in the doctor's office many months ago, I was warned. One more milestone to hit. "It's going to be a tough one and a sad one, so be prepared." He was referring to what would have been my Due Date: November 10, 2011. The naive side of me actually thought (hoped) the day would pass without any recognition. Time heals all wounds, right? Well, no such chance.

I've been feeling a little sad this week and, well...alone. Which is silly. I have Ryan, and my closest friends have already reached out to me. However, what I don't have is a baby bump. Or a newborn to hold and nuzzle. Or a nursery awaiting it's newest arrival. Instead I am left with an ache deep in my heart while we try, try again. And the irony that something can come so easily when you least expect it. I know I will get pregnant again and it will be a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy. I'll give Ryan a beautiful child and I'll become a mommy. But for now, I'm going to give myself this day to be sad, and maybe a little lonely. I will mourn what didn't become, think about what should have been and welcome the grief rather than shoving it to the side.

Then I will move on.

And concentrate on all the blessings 2012 will bring our way.